My (Home)Birth Story
Photo by Caitlin K Photography
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In October 2020, I delivered my beautiful, healthy baby girl Isla at home in our tiny one bedroom apartment. Here’s the story.
When I found out we were pregnant in January 2020, I knew that I did not want to go the traditional route of delivering in a hospital under the care of an OBGYN. This scenario made me feel anxious, as I feel like hospitals are where you go when something has gone wrong. For someone who had a fear of childbirth, I didn’t want to feel even more anxious when the time came. I started looking into other options.
Where I come from, home birth is not totally unheard of, and I had always had an interest in it in the back of my mind. Where my husband, Adam, grew up (and where we now live), home birth is pretty rare and mysterious, so he was not initially interested in it. We decided to go with a sort of compromise, and I began my prenatal care with hospital midwives with the intent to deliver my baby in a hospital under their care.
However, it soon became clear that this was still not the most comfortable option for me. I couldn’t be sure which midwife would attend my birth and there was one midwife in particular who I did not feel comfortable around. I also found that this care was not as holistic as I had hoped and I often felt anxious going to appointments and left feeling disempowered. I could tell this was not the best fit either.
In the early part of my second trimester, we quietly began researching home birth. I spoke to other moms who had delivered at home—they all had beautiful experiences. Adam and I watched documentaries on home birth. I read research studies showing that home birth is as safe as hospital birth for low-risk pregnancies like mine. We interviewed a midwife in the area and asked a million questions. Our desire for a natural, healthy, and safe birth and to avoid the “cascade of interventions” that can happen in hospitals, coupled with the uncertainty of ever-changing hospital policies (would Adam even be allowed in the room?) led us to switch to a home birth midwife halfway through my pregnancy. Ultimately, after very thorough research, we were very confident that home birth would provide the gentlest and healthiest entrance to the world for our baby.
From the first prenatal visit, I knew without a doubt that this was one of the best decisions I had ever made in my life. This care was far more thorough than my previous care, with visits lasting about one hour each. The midwife was warm, wise, knowledgeable, and kind. We spent time getting to know each other. I felt comfortable asking any questions and sharing how I was feeling about the upcoming birth. I looked forward to my prenatal visits and left them feeling empowered. I felt that we were on the same team and would make the best decisions for the baby and me together. In combination with all of the reading and mindset work I was doing, I began to see childbirth for what it is: one of the most natural processes in life. As long as my pregnancy continued to stay low-risk, I would absolutely be able to birth my baby in the comfort of my own home.
Toward the end of my pregnancy, we found a doula who would support us during labor. While the midwife and her assistant (who is also a midwife) would take care of the medical aspects of the delivery, the doula would be available for emotional support as soon as we wanted her there and would ensure that both my and Adam’s needs were met during the labor (e.g., we had eaten and stayed hydrated). She also coached us on a wide variety of pain management techniques in the weeks before I gave birth. She fit perfectly into the vision I had for my birth: calm and supportive. My home birth team was now complete.
Even though most first time mothers deliver “late”, I was certain I would deliver early. My due date came and went, and then another week came and went, and still no baby. As the well-meaning messages poured in asking where the baby was, I grew impatient. I also worried that eventually an issue might arise that could require me to birth at a hospital rather than at home. At 41+3, I went in for an ultrasound to ensure that baby was still doing well in there. I was told the baby was doing great, had plenty of fluid, and would be about 9 pounds. After discussing with my midwife, who assured me that we were not on a timeline and could wait for baby to come when ready, I decided to help get my labor started with castor oil and breast pumping. I was eager to have my baby in my arms.
My labor began that night and the doula arrived at our home around 2 am to support us. My labor stalled and I took more castor oil in the morning, which got my labor going again. It was certainly uncomfortable but the doula and Adam were amazingly supportive, ensuring I stayed hydrated and encouraging me to eat (you can eat when you labor at home!), and comforting me in any way I needed. I was unable to sleep, but I could labor in any position I liked and had soft piano music playing over the speakers. We kept the lights low. Everything felt calm.
My labor stalled again in the afternoon! At this point, my birth team and I discussed whether I should try to just get some rest and start again tomorrow, or take more castor oil and push through. Adam and I decided we would power through until our baby arrived.
Labor picked back up and I was ready to labor in the birth pool, which was in our living room. The doula set up this room beautifully with candles and fairy lights and it was just as I had imagined. I labored for a while in the tub leaning against the side, with Adam giving me sips of coconut water between contractions and encouraging me. Interestingly, the technique I ended up using all throughout active labor was “horse lips”, in which you blow out of your mouth while your mouth is loosely shut. I never thought that would really work, but I gave it a try and I used it for every contraction. It actually really helped my body relax and help me focus on my breathing. I’m sure it looked silly but who cares? I was surrounded by people I knew and trusted and felt supported by. I started pushing in the tub but it took me a little while to get the hang of it so my pushes weren’t very effective at first.
I ended up moving to the bed after a while as my position in the tub became uncomfortable. I continued pushing there and changing positions, and, oddly enough, my labor slowed down again. However, after 28 hours of labor and over three hours of pushing, my baby girl was born. Amazingly, Adam caught her! He announced that she was a girl (we did not find out the sex in advance) and handed her to me. It was such an incredible moment.
My birth team stayed for a few hours afterward to care for the baby and me. They kept Isla (who actually didn’t have a name for a couple more days) attached to her cord for a while after birth to ensure she got all of her cord blood (delayed cord clamping has both short- and long-term benefits) and laid her on my chest for skin to skin. They did not bathe the baby, as the vernix that babies are born with is good for them and it’s best to let it soak in. My birth team made sure Isla was able to latch and we had our first little nursing session. They checked her over and she received an APGAR score of 10/10! She was born incredibly alert with eyes wide open. She was 20.25” long and weighed 7 pounds 5 ounces (thankfully not 9 pounds as the ultrasound tech had estimated). Next, Adam had some skin-to-skin time with Isla while the midwife checked me out and my team helped me get cleaned up and hydrated. The team cleaned up our apartment and made sure we were all happy and healthy and had whatever we needed before leaving.
The midwife came back the next day to check in, and came back two more times in the first couple of weeks postpartum. Only the six-week follow up required me to actually leave the house! The midwife sent a lactation consultant to our home a couple of days after Isla was born to ensure breastfeeding success. Our doula came to visit to talk about postpartum health and discuss how we felt the birth went. She was also kind enough to write a timeline of my labor and delivery (since it gets a little blurry) which helped me write this post, and I’m so glad to have it.
Oddly enough, about five days after Isla was born, my midwife finally received the results of the ultrasound I had the day I went into labor. It showed a diagnosis of polyhydramnios, which means excess amniotic fluid. My midwife noted that this diagnosis explains why my labor patterns were irregular, but said we wouldn’t really have done anything differently. It still would have been good to know!
Overall, I don’t think we could be any happier with our experience. It truly was what we hoped for: a calm, quiet, gentle birth. My midwife actually called the birth “graceful”. This was exactly what we wanted for our precious little baby.
Here are some questions I’ve been asked about our birth:
“What if there’s an emergency?”
This is the number one question I was asked, and it’s a good question! First of all, in order to even be a candidate for a home birth, you need to have a low-risk pregnancy. Emergencies are rare in this case. My midwife noted that very few of her patients transfer to a hospital, and it’s typically just because labor is going long—not an emergency situation. My midwife also used to be a Labor and Delivery Nurse and has lots of medical training and experience; she has attended thousands of births. However, if I chose to transfer for a non-emergency, I would transfer to a hospital about 15 minutes away where the unit is run by midwives (Plan B). If there was an actual emergency, I would transfer to the closest hospital, which is about five minutes away (Plan C).
“Was this your first birth?”
Yes, it was! So I did not know what to expect. Originally, Adam suggested we wait until the next time around to deliver at home, but in the end we felt this was the best option for us.
“Was it messy?”
Not really! The birth team had a whole system in place to prepare our home for birth, and they cleaned everything up before they left.
“Did you ever wish you were at the hospital or had an epidural?”
Nope! I did have a moment during labor where I thought to myself that I will never, ever judge anyone for having an epidural (and this is still true). Childbirth is pretty uncomfortable! But overall the pain was manageable. At one point, I also told Adam I wanted to go to the hospital. I just wanted to see how I felt saying it. He asked if I meant it and I said no! The home environment was perfect and I knew I was in good hands. I knew I could do it.
“Did it hurt?”
Yes, childbirth hurts. But like I said, I never wished I had an epidural. I have never felt like I had a high pain tolerance so I was a little nervous about that, but it ended up being totally doable, even with a long labor and a lot of pushing. Being in an environment where you feel comfortable and calm helps your body to relax, which can help reduce the pain because your body is better able to open up the way it needs to, so many women find birthing at home to be less painful than in a hospital. I was also able to change positions and labor all around the house, eat (though I didn’t do much of this) drink (I drank a TON), use pressure points, use a TENS machine, labor in water, and use the horse lips technique I mentioned.
“Do you recommend home birth?”
Ultimately, I believe everyone should give birth where they feel safe, comfortable, and respected. I don’t think there is one birth setting that is best for everyone. However, I definitely think everyone should research all of their options! Just because it’s the norm to birth in a hospital doesn’t mean it’s the only safe way to birth. I found that the common perception of home birth is that it’s dangerous or risky. I would never do anything to put my baby in danger or at risk. I made a very informed decision and this was definitely the best choice for us, but everyone needs to make their own informed decisions!
“How expensive is home birth?”
Home birth is typically less expensive than a hospital birth, since there are few (if any) interventions used at home. However, the cost to you can vary depending on your insurance coverage—some insurers will cover home birth just as they would hospital birth, and some won’t cover any of the cost of home birth.
“How did you handle people’s reactions to your decision to have a home birth?”
We actually didn’t tell people that we were planning to deliver at home unless they asked where we were delivering. There is a lot of fear and a stigma around home birth, and we got a lot of skeptical and sometimes even negative responses (looks of horror, “I would have died if I hadn’t been at a hospital.”) to our decision. Ultimately, we had to accept that home birth is a topic that most people don’t really know anything about, and they were concerned because they care about us. We also felt confident in our decision knowing that we knew a lot about the benefits of home birth.
“Would you do it again?”
YES! I really hope my next pregnancy is also low-risk and I’m able to deliver at home. I also hope we’re still in the area at that point so we can go with the same midwife.
Questions? Drop them in the comments!
Additional Resources
Healthy Birth Practice #4: Avoid Interventions Unless They Are Medically Necessary
Outcomes of Care for 16,924 Planned Home Births in the United States
Home Birth Matters—For All Women
